Time Bandits (1981)

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Title: Time Bandits

Genre: Family, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Adventure, Comedy

Cast: Craig Warnock, David Rappaport, Kenny Baker, Mike Edmonds, Malcolm Dixon, Tiny Ross, Jack Purvis, Ian Holm, John Cleese, Sean Connery, Michael Palin, Shelley Duvall, Peter Vaughan, Katherine Helmond, David Warner, Ralph Richardson, Tony Jay, David Daker, Sheila Fearn, Jim Broadbent, Peter Jonfield, Jerold Wells, Myrtle Devenish, Winston Dennis, Roger Frost, Andrew MacLachlan, Marcus Powell, Terence Bayler, Preston Lockwood, David Leland, Leon Lissek, John Young, Derrick O'Connor, Neil McCarthy, Declan Mulholland, Derek Deadman, Charles McKeown, Mark Holmes, Martin Carroll, Ian Muir

Release: 1981-07-13

Runtime: 116

Plot: Young history buff Kevin can scarcely believe it when six dwarfs emerge from his closet one night. Former employees of the Supreme Being, they've purloined a map charting all of the holes in the fabric of time and are using it to steal treasures from different historical eras. Taking Kevin with them, they variously drop in on Napoleon, Robin Hood and King Agamemnon before the Supreme Being catches up with them.

Where to watch

@Pete @Manny
I have not abandoned you guys. Boyfriend is coming tomorrow, he will be here for to weeks. He's from England. So I will be gone for a bit <3 BUT WILL BE BACK!
 
I was just watching this.
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She’s talking about all the problems with reboots, and this is why Time Bandits reboot flopped, too. That’s why I like to imagine that if my version were real, I’d try to stay true to the original spirit. Though a tad darker. As This is no longer child's story as Kevin is grown, with trauma. While still respecting Terry Gilliam's version.

Still joined with their orginal slip-stick, and even more darker gallows humor. If Game of Thrones also had dark comedy, I would have been in Dark Fantasy heaven. So I'm making that happen with my TB-Fan-Reboot idea XD.


Honestly, I’d love to see it done in the style of those U.S. anime-style projects Netflix has been making, like The Witcher or Castlevania. That way, they could actually animate the likenesses of the original iconic actors, than hire good sound-alikes. I would still want it to have that old 80's animation feel too. Like the Last unicorn, or Fire and Ice. Just think looking digitally restored '80s animation, seeing it would be made now.

I’d even add a fun 59-minute animated recap episode of the film, for people who don’t want to sit through the original. And in true Time Bandits fashion, the recap could be cheekily self-aware: “What’s the matter, lost already? Didn’t bother watching the movie, huh? That’s on you, not us."

@Pete @Manny
 
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I was never crazy about reboots or remakes except for a few films and one of those was King Kong with Jack Black.
 
I was never crazy about reboots or remakes except for a few films and one of those was King Kong with Jack Black.
Exactly.That's why i'm trying hard not to alienate people with my Part 2 fan plot, and the addition of amaranth.

Also! My computer died! I wanna do so much more with my story and stuff , but I can't... I'm still glad my brother's like the tech fairy. He'll figure out something for me soon
 
Exactly.That's why i'm trying hard not to alienate people with my Part 2 fan plot, and the addition of amaranth.

Also! My computer died! I wanna do so much more with my story and stuff , but I can't... I'm still glad my brother's like the tech fairy. He'll figure out something for me soon

Listen if you have a something that you think is a great story to continue Time Bandits or anything for that matter you should always pursue it.
 
I never watched or even heard of this movie. You all made me interested in this one. I didn't read through everything on here but I'll get to it.
 
Listen if you have a something that you think is a great story to continue Time Bandits or anything for that matter you should always pursue it.
You seem to be interested so i'm doing something right? 🥰
 
I never watched or even heard of this movie. You all made me interested in this one. I didn't read through everything on here but I'll get to it.
Yes! Watch it. It is an amazing 80's flim.
And as you can see , I'm totally obsessed...
Given all of my fan add on lore.
 
So with the lack of my computer , I've been sitting in bed , working on things for my fan continuation.. And I ended up writing this little thing...
-----
Since I add in the allegory that Evil and Amaranth are like the anti Adam/Eve.
( ... And upon writing this I just realized, they both have the same first initials too, huh! )

Evil = Both Adam and the serpent.
Ama = Eve
The Fortress Of Ultimate Darkness = The Tree of Knowledge
The Time Of Legends = The Garden Of Eden
Still on the fence if the Map would be their Apple? Or if I should just put in pomegranate for symbolism?
----
Then I worte this.

⸺ Classified Memorandum 731-B (Amended): “On the Reformation of Evil and His Unfortunate Project” ⸺
(Filed reluctantly by order of the Supreme Being; Heaven Central Bureaucracy, Anomalous Records Division)
1. Ahem. Let the record show that after I — in My infinite wisdom — oversaw the dismantling of that tiresome creature known as Evil, I fully expected him to stay scattered. Ashes should remain ashes. That was, after all, the point.

2. But no. Some beings are simply too stubborn to accept proper annihilation. Like a bad idea muttered by angels who should know better, the remnants of his wretched self slithered back together, whispering nonsense in the void, until—unfortunately—he remembered he existed.

3. And so Evil reformed himself. Uninvited. Unapproved. Certainly not according to any schedule I had authorized.

4. Upon surveying the ruins of his gloomy fortress, he apparently decided he needed a “contingency.” (As though I wouldn’t notice. As though he were capable of original strategy. Ridiculous.)

5. Rather than creating anything properly, as I did with Adam and Eve — through decent, regulated, bone-and-breath methods — Evil tore into his own miserable essence and sculpted from it a creature.

6. He called her Amaranth. I call her what she is: a walking error report.

7. She is not born of rib, but of rot; not gifted breath, but exhaled vanity. A mirror, nothing more, polished to reflect his every flaw back at him. And oh, how he admired her — unsurprising, since admiring himself is his one true talent.

8. She was meant to be his tool, his backup plan, his insurance policy against Me. (Charming, really. As if I haven’t seen a thousand schemes like this before lunch.)

9. But, of course, it didn’t end there. It never does with him. Instead of maintaining professional detachment, he began to… linger. Stare. Speak to her as if she were more than the sum of his own bile.

10. He grew fond of her — in that nauseating, paradoxical way only he could. He loved the reflection, not the person. How terribly on-brand.

11. And yet, I will begrudgingly note this: his fondness changed. What began as narcissistic fascination turned, by degrees, into something uncomfortably close to genuine attachment.

12. First he named her tool. Then 'daughter' Then — and this is the part no one believes until they read the reports — " My Precious Flower" Yes. Evil, the embodiment of ego and malice, fashioned himself a kind of heir.

13. He trained her, sheltered her from his lesser minions, taught her his secrets as though preparing a successor. And, astonishingly, she thrived. She ceased to be merely a mirror and became something other: sharp, willful, and unsettlingly beautiful in the way calamity can be.

14. And as his schemes deepened, so too did his view of her. Daughter became partner. Tool became Empress. He crowned her not with ceremony but with his gaze — as if the universe had quietly shifted while no one was watching.

15. And yes… I am aware he loves her. Not the way mortals understand love, of course. His is a twisted, possessive devotion, born from himself and reflected back through her. But it is love nonetheless, and — I detest admitting this — it makes him more dangerous than he was before.

16. And so these two set out into the Time of Legends, which, I should note, is not a garden — it’s a holding zone for discarded epochs. A dumping ground. Hardly paradise, though he strutted through it like some dark patriarch of a counterfeit Eden.

17. Looming over that wasteland is his dreary Fortress of Ultimate Darkness, which he seems to fancy as some kind of forbidden tree. There’s no fruit, just secrets he doesn’t understand and power he shouldn’t touch.

18. And now, because they simply must play at myth-making, they’re chasing after the Map as though it were some grand, forbidden apple that will overturn My design.

19. Let the record show: this is not your normal love story. It’s a delusion wrapped in vanity, heading for catastrophe. UNHOLY! And if they imagine I won’t be watching… well, they’re even more foolish than I suspected.

20.Filed (begrudgingly) by the Supreme Being, who really has better things to do.

@Pete @Manny
 
So with the lack of my computer , I've been sitting in bed , working on things for my fan continuation.. And I ended up writing this little thing...
-----
Since I add in the allegory that Evil and Amaranth are like the anti Adam/Eve.
( ... And upon writing this I just realized, they both have the same first initials too, huh! )

Evil = Both Adam and the serpent.
Ama = Eve
The Fortress Of Ultimate Darkness = The Tree of Knowledge
The Time Of Legends = The Garden Of Eden
Still on the fence if the Map would be their Apple? Or if I should just put in pomegranate for symbolism?
----
Then I worte this.

⸺ Classified Memorandum 731-B (Amended): “On the Reformation of Evil and His Unfortunate Project” ⸺
(Filed reluctantly by order of the Supreme Being; Heaven Central Bureaucracy, Anomalous Records Division)
1. Ahem. Let the record show that after I — in My infinite wisdom — oversaw the dismantling of that tiresome creature known as Evil, I fully expected him to stay scattered. Ashes should remain ashes. That was, after all, the point.

2. But no. Some beings are simply too stubborn to accept proper annihilation. Like a bad idea muttered by angels who should know better, the remnants of his wretched self slithered back together, whispering nonsense in the void, until—unfortunately—he remembered he existed.

3. And so Evil reformed himself. Uninvited. Unapproved. Certainly not according to any schedule I had authorized.

4. Upon surveying the ruins of his gloomy fortress, he apparently decided he needed a “contingency.” (As though I wouldn’t notice. As though he were capable of original strategy. Ridiculous.)

5. Rather than creating anything properly, as I did with Adam and Eve — through decent, regulated, bone-and-breath methods — Evil tore into his own miserable essence and sculpted from it a creature.

6. He called her Amaranth. I call her what she is: a walking error report.

7. She is not born of rib, but of rot; not gifted breath, but exhaled vanity. A mirror, nothing more, polished to reflect his every flaw back at him. And oh, how he admired her — unsurprising, since admiring himself is his one true talent.

8. She was meant to be his tool, his backup plan, his insurance policy against Me. (Charming, really. As if I haven’t seen a thousand schemes like this before lunch.)

9. But, of course, it didn’t end there. It never does with him. Instead of maintaining professional detachment, he began to… linger. Stare. Speak to her as if she were more than the sum of his own bile.

10. He grew fond of her — in that nauseating, paradoxical way only he could. He loved the reflection, not the person. How terribly on-brand.

11. And yet, I will begrudgingly note this: his fondness changed. What began as narcissistic fascination turned, by degrees, into something uncomfortably close to genuine attachment.

12. First he named her tool. Then 'daughter' Then — and this is the part no one believes until they read the reports — " My Precious Flower" Yes. Evil, the embodiment of ego and malice, fashioned himself a kind of heir.

13. He trained her, sheltered her from his lesser minions, taught her his secrets as though preparing a successor. And, astonishingly, she thrived. She ceased to be merely a mirror and became something other: sharp, willful, and unsettlingly beautiful in the way calamity can be.

14. And as his schemes deepened, so too did his view of her. Daughter became partner. Tool became Empress. He crowned her not with ceremony but with his gaze — as if the universe had quietly shifted while no one was watching.

15. And yes… I am aware he loves her. Not the way mortals understand love, of course. His is a twisted, possessive devotion, born from himself and reflected back through her. But it is love nonetheless, and — I detest admitting this — it makes him more dangerous than he was before.

16. And so these two set out into the Time of Legends, which, I should note, is not a garden — it’s a holding zone for discarded epochs. A dumping ground. Hardly paradise, though he strutted through it like some dark patriarch of a counterfeit Eden.

17. Looming over that wasteland is his dreary Fortress of Ultimate Darkness, which he seems to fancy as some kind of forbidden tree. There’s no fruit, just secrets he doesn’t understand and power he shouldn’t touch.

18. And now, because they simply must play at myth-making, they’re chasing after the Map as though it were some grand, forbidden apple that will overturn My design.

19. Let the record show: this is not your normal love story. It’s a delusion wrapped in vanity, heading for catastrophe. UNHOLY! And if they imagine I won’t be watching… well, they’re even more foolish than I suspected.

20.Filed (begrudgingly) by the Supreme Being, who really has better things to do.

@Pete @Manny

So far what I read I like. I’ll read the rest of it later when I get home.
 
So far what I read I like. I’ll read the rest of it later when I get home.
THANKS!!! I'm glad I have a real computer back to work on my babies AGAIN!!!!

JUMPS EVIL
EVIL: WOMAN YOUR SMOTHERING ME!!!! (Evil needing jaws of life to get out of my grip)
AMA GLARES AT ME.
ME: I AM YOU! your just myself insert! into this IP...It's not really cheating....
AMA IS ABOUT BLOW ME UP, SHADES OF DADDY DEAREST
ME: FINE!!! OKAY!!! (LETS HIM GO....AS I "CASUALLY " RUN AWAY)
 
All I know is that you have one creative mind. Its a gift.
 
PRETTY ME PEEPS! MORE LORE!!!

Before the neat, bureaucratic universe we live in today, the Supreme Being experimented. He drafted “divinity” the way an inventor tests gadgets....
...... Sketching out archetypes like Zeus, Isis, Quetzalcoatl, Odin, Shiva. Then setting them loose to see what would happen.
Each prototype received a sliver of creation’s power. Not enough to rewrite reality, but enough to bend it, shaping landscapes, guiding peoples, building cults. They were told: oversee, nurture, create something worthwhile.Naturally, they went rogue. They basked in worship, demanded temples, and treated their regions as private kingdoms.
The Supreme Being sighed, scribbled failed drafts in the margins, and moved on with His official design. But the prototypes never vanished.
Take Olympus: it’s just a mountain. Any mortal could hike up, if not for the priests, fear, and superstition that kept them away. The gods’ “realms” were never separate heavens, just pockets of warped reality, little squatters’ kingdoms stitched into Earth. They’ve since cloaked themselves, walking hidden among mortals. Occasionally they still surface in backwater towns that behave like it’s still the first century.
All those myths of lightning bolts, floods, and underworlds? Just party tricks. Leftover scraps of their borrowed power. Humans misread spectacle as divinity, and the prototypes never corrected them. Why would they? Flattery was their fuel.
The Supreme Being dismisses them with dry contempt:“Oh, them. Prototypes. Easier to leave them on their hills and rivers than to bother tidying up. Harmless enough, once you stop believing in them.”---Their still immortal? Or can live longer, then morals? Then mere mortals? Still unsure.
Though, by the very nature of it all, clearly the Bandits know they are around, as they were there, when God first created them all.
Same for Evil and Amaranth, there aware of these lot. Like they give care either. No! Their to busy being happy evil couple, ruling over the time of legends, and plotting to get that MAP! (though I do hint Evil has met them all, at one time, or another. Some he may call " friend" though he uses the term loosely. Useful, is more like it. Their on the back burner if he ever needs to call in a favor... in exchange for a suit of power in his new world order.)
It will be Kevin who is hit with that bombshell, they are real too. Just struggling to exist now.
 
NEW ONE SHOT FINALLY!
@Pete @Manny


The corridors of the fortress stretched long and dim, torchlight guttering in iron sconces. It was in such shadows that he saw them again, skittering, silk trailing like cobwebbed lace, their Victorian dress coats musty with age yet draped with unmistakable dignity. Agatha and Edith. Half-women, half-spiders, his old enforcers, once governesses to Amaranth, now little more than whispering wraiths in his halls.


Evil slowed his stride, spun, and drummed his talons against the stone wall. “Agatha. Edith.”


The sisters halted in unison, black eyes catching the dim light, their smiles brittle and knowing. They dipped the faintest of curtsies, spider legs folding and unfurling behind them in elegant menace.


“My lord,” cooed Agatha, her voice as sweet and cloying, as over-sugared tea. “How rare you are to seek our company,” added Edith, her tone a thin lace veil over condescension.


“I saw you slipping by,” Evil said smoothly, though he already regretted the impulse to speak. “Thought to… inquire. How fare my faithful spinstresses?”


The sisters exchanged a glance, smiles sharpening. Agatha smoothed the dusty ruffles of her bodice. “Oh, we fare as ever, my lord. Spinning, watching, whispering. Keeping the threads of your domain tidy.”


Edith’s eight legs shifted delicately, the faint scrape of chitin on marble. “Though I daresay it has grown livelier since your precious flower took bloom,” she said sweetly. “Your… paternal instincts have been most unexpected.”


Evil’s talons flexed once behind his back, the only sign of irritation. “Ah. You’ve been watching, then.”


“Oh, one cannot help but notice,” purred Agatha, tone faux-maternal. “She thrives beneath your… fatherly hand.”


Edith’s smile grew sly. “Indeed. Though we, in our way, were her mothers, were we not? And children,” she added with deliberate sweetness, “often favor their mothers over their fathers.”


The challenge hung like a spider’s thread in the dark.


Evil stood perfectly still. Then, in a voice low and measured, he said, “…But my Precious Flower was never a child in the true sense.”


His gaze burned as he stepped closer, the torches guttering at his passing. “Nor was I ever a father in the normal sense, was I? I was there the moment she came into being—breath, thought, and form. I made certain she knew her creator, her father,” he said the word with deliberate relish, “from day one.”


The sisters’ smiles wavered, their talons twitching faintly.


His smirk crooked upward. “And yet, even I—yes, I—forgot myself for a moment. Let a trace of affection slip in. Allowed her to call me ‘Father’… or was it…” His lips curved in dark amusement. “…‘Daddy’? To this day, I’ve no idea where that one came from.”


He gave a low chuckle, deep and dangerous. “Still, I answer to it all the same. Until… well—” he gave a halfhearted shrug, talon flicking toward the shadowed end of the corridor, “by then, she had already ensnared me.”


Agatha cleared her throat delicately, folding her hands. “And now you… play house together, do you not, my lord?”


Edith’s voice followed, syrupy and venomous. “It is curious. The creator and the creation. Father and daughter. A most… eccentric arrangement.”


Evil’s expression did not flicker, but the air grew heavier, darker, pressing down like storm clouds. “Matters of my house,” he said, tone deceptively polite, “should not concern creatures who live in corners.”


“Forgive our curiosity,” Agatha murmured, bowing her head in false contrition. “It’s merely that—even we, wicked as we are—recognize that such… affection borders upon—”


“Do tread carefully,” Evil cut in, his smile thin as razors. “Since you pry—tell me, who are you to lecture Evil himself on moral boundaries?”


His tone dripped mock civility. “If you wish to play judge over proclivities, go knock upon Olympus. Ask Zeus about his hobbies… then return to me.”


Neither sister dared speak.


Evil continued, tone smooth as polished obsidian. “I may be evil incarnate, but I am not without— let us call it—principle. Even among the wicked, consent remains… paramount.” He grinned towards the two women “Now tell me, Agatha, Edith—have you ever heard of Zeus asking first?”


A sharp laugh escaped him, brittle as glass. “But of course—not. He was a god, so mortals forgive him. Whereas I—Evil—I am scorned for simply loving what I made.”


Neither moved.


“Exactly,” he hissed. “Every empire needs an empress. Mine merely happens to be born of my own essence—sired, yes, if you wish to be poetic. Dubbed daughter by whim, but tell me…” His grin turned strangely fond, almost wistful. “What’s that saying? The heart wants what it wants. Adam had his Eve. And I…” his smirk curved darkly found my Lilith. Or more precisely—my Amaranth.”


A long, cold pause followed.


Then Agatha, recovering her composure, tilted her head coyly. “And where, pray, is our terribly wicked mistress now?”


Evil smiled, slow and knowing. “So the doting mothers finally notice their darling’s absence.” He tilted his head, mock sympathy curling his tone. “How typical. You accuse me of caging her—yet you’d bind her in silk if you could.”


He folded his hands behind his back, stepping toward the great arched arabesque window at the hall’s end. “I gave her knowledge to defend herself. Power to rule in her own right. And then—I kissed her brow and set her loose upon the world. Tell me, which of us cages her now?”


He turned, talon pointing lazily toward the darkened window. “She’s out.”


Both sisters tilted their heads, mandibles twitching. “Out?” they echoed.


“Playing in town,” Evil said mildly. “Being as wicked as ever among the rabble. But worry not”, his grin sharpened. “I have an eye on her. Should any fool even dare breathe wrongly around her, I’ll be there in two shakes of a black sheep’s tail.”


Edith blinked. “Isn’t the saying ‘two shakes of a lamb’s tail,’ my lord?”


Evil turned, glare cutting through her like a blade. “Don’t correct me.”


Silence fell heavy and absolute.


The sisters dipped their heads quickly, smiles faltering just enough to betray that, for all their hauteur, they remembered, he could unmake them in an instant. Despite their towering forms, he could still crush spiders easily.


Evil let the silence stretch. Then he stepped closer, voice dropping to a velvet growl. “Do not mistake me, Agatha. Edith. You exist here not because I need you… not because I cannot crush you.”


His talon lifted, tracing idly through the air as though plucking unseen strings. “But because she values you—her ‘mothers’—and I indulge her whims. Nothing more.”


Their black eyes blinked in unison, nervous smiles stitched hastily back into place.


“If ever she should tire of you…” His grin widened, terrible and thin. “…then so shall I.”


He straightened. “So keep spinning your little webs. Gossip, if you must. Judge, as you always do. But remember who rules this fortress—and whose essence runs in her veins.”


With that, Evil turned on his heel and began to stride away. Then, halfway down the hall, he spun back. His clawed hand shot upward and with a crackling hiss of power, he unleashed a bolt of darkness. It struck the arch above their heads, splitting stone, showering dust and sparks down around them.


Agatha and Edith flinched, just for an instant. The twitch of their spider legs betrayed them. But they quickly straightened, brushing at their musty dress-coats with the dignity of dowagers in a parlor, eyes wide and innocent, as though nothing at all had happened.


Evil’s burning gaze lingered a moment longer, savoring the silent contest. Then, with a satisfied smirk, he pivoted once more and vanished into the fortress’s gloom.


Agatha and Edith remained where they stood, their talons tapping in uneasy rhythm. Only once he had vanished into shadow did Agatha whisper, half hiss, half sigh: “Still, he is besotted.”


“And besotted men,” Edith replied, adjusting her sleeves, “make such… amusing prey.”


They shared a thin, satisfied smile, even as the weight of his threat lingered, sharp as venom in their throats.
 
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